When a colleague asks for your assistance, you are overburdened with work. But, you agree to help them out. Alternatively, you may go out with a friend to the movies. You want to watch a thriller, but she prefers romantic comedies. Even if you think they're cheesy and don't like them, you say yes. Your cousin is relocating and has requested your assistance. You already have plans, so you tell him you won't be able to do it. However, you felt so bad about turning him down that you called him back and told him you'd find the time, even if it meant curtailing your own plans.
Find these situations similar? If you recognise yourself in any of these scenarios, you might be a people pleaser.
Now, let’s understand one thing. Allowing others to affect us is natural and beneficial. We might never watch what we eat or get adequate exercise if we didn't. You might not be able to make your relationships work if you refuse to care what others think. On the other hand, you might be a people-pleaser if you care too much about what they think.
Why People-Pleasing?
So, why exactly does one indulge in such a behaviour, you ask? Well, we asked Ms Mehezabin Dordi, clinical psychologist, rehabilitation, and sports medicine department, Sir HN Reliance Foundation Hospital, Mumbai, who helped us decode why we tend to engage in people-pleasing.
According to her, there may be a number of reasons why one tends to engage in people-pleasing behaviour. They are:
• Poor Self-Esteem: People-pleasing conduct can occur when people don't respect their own desires and needs. People-pleasers require external reinforcement due to a lack of self-confidence. They believe that doing things for others will lead to apprehension because they themselves lack self-worth.
• Insecurities: In certain circumstances, people try to please others because they are afraid that if they don't go above and beyond to make them happy, other people will dislike them.
• Perfectionism: People sometimes want everything to be "perfect," even how other people think and feel.
• Past Experiences: It's possible that painful, challenging, or traumatic experiences played a part. People who have been abused, for example, may endeavour to satisfy others and be as accommodating as possible to avoid inciting abusive behaviour in others.